rose colored glasses

Sometimes life throws you the weirdest and wildest curve balls. I recently went through a breakup, one of which I had NO idea was coming until it hit me square in the face. After a heartbreak, you start looking back on things and asking if there were red flags that you missed. Not necessarily things that should set off alarms, but little things, like maybe you were ambivalent about religion and they were actively Christian. Or maybe you hate dancing, and they love going out and getting down, which made you so incredibly uncomfortable when they tried to get you to dance. You love art and they looked at a Pollock and thought: well, I could have done that.

I’m not saying that differing opinions is bad in a relationship of any kind- in fact opposing viewpoints can challenge thinking and make you really consider why you like what you like, but when there’s so many differences, can you keep passing it off as something that doesn’t matter?

It’s nice to have a positive outlook on life: the saying "looking at life through rose colored glasses" means we should try to see the beauty in it all. But in relationships, we too often look through this lens. We think things are better than they actually are- and that’s harmful. If we get frustrated with someone, shouldn’t we actually address what’s wrong and figure out how we can move past it?

I can remember getting upset, but saying something along the lines: “I love you too much to stay mad at you.” And then you go back to being happy without actually addressing the problem. It’s the biggest cop-out, and you hurt yourself more and more each time you do it. And it’s totally unintentional.

It’s simple to take the easy way out in a relationship- romantic and platonic alike. No one’s feelings are hurt, everything can just go back to normal. We want to be comfortable, even if it’s not what’s best for us. A wise friend once told me: “There is no growth in comfort, and there is no comfort in growth.” Having the hard discussions and addressing problems head on is so uncomfortable, but it’s worth it. You’ll find out a lot about the other person, and figure out if it’s something you want to continue to pursue. Or, it could just be a giant waste of time.

-Cailin